Learning Your Limits
When you think of limits, you might think of things like rules or barriers. But, limits can also be what helps us understand and protect what feels respectful and what makes us feel comfortable versus what might drain us or cross a line.
In this way, our reactions can be information hinting at what our limits might be. An interaction might leave us drained, we might feel tense around someone, or have an instinct telling us to be cautious, even if the ‘why’ is unclear. While unpleasant, this discomfort can give us valuable information about what might not be ok for us.
When we reflect on it (with professional support if needed) is when we can start to pull out the lessons that might be hidden beneath to identify what our limits might be by getting a little curious and asking questions about it.
Why doesn’t this feel ok? What about it doesn’t feel ok?
What do I need to be different to make it feel ok? Why?
What might feel more ok?
The answers to these questions may also change, depending on a lot of things like where you’re at in life and in different contexts, including the environment around you, particular situations you might find yourself in or who you’re with at the time. And, your answers now will likely be different to what your answers might have been previously, or what they might be in future. That’s allowed. Your limits do not have to be fixed or set in stone.
When your limits become clear for you and you also make them clear for others, not only is it about protection, it can also help strengthen safety. Limits help build understanding, which, in turn, can foster respect. For you, for your needs, and the same in return if the other person is also clear with you. Sometimes, this clarity can breed further clarity- when your limits are known, how does the other person respond? Do they ignore or try to push the limits you’ve outlined? Or do they respect them, maybe even try to understand better if it doesn’t feel completely clear just yet?
It will probably take time for your limits to start feeling clear, especially if it’s not something you’ve thought about a lot before, but that’s ok. Good things take time, and in the long run, learning your limits can be a very good thing.
Further Resources:
Brené Brown’s Braving Inventory