Who Decides?
All of us have our own ways of explaining our experiences, defining our identities and articulating both . These self definitions are an important part of identity, including the way it forms and evolves as well as how you learn about and come to understand who you are. As Dolly Parton once said; find out who you are, then do it on purpose. Because you are allowed to be you. When you know who you are, you’re better able to do what’s right for you and to do the things you want to do.
Most of the time, this works. Unless or until some of the systems we have to operate inside of or exist in, come along. Systems that require us to present our worst case scenarios or to focus on our weaknesses or deficits rather than our strengths or capacities. These systems, and/or the opinions of others can impose definitions on us of who we are. Definitions that often don’t match our own, or which only capture part of who we are. In systems, often the part of us that shows in deep struggle.
When definitions are imposed on us, especially when those definitions are often present or pushed, even out of necessity, it can make it harder for us to know for ourselves or be confident with our own understanding of who we are. And if it’s a struggle to know who you are, or to stand strong in that knowing, doing it on purpose can become even harder…
The thing is; the most important definition of you is your own. Which is why it can be important to question the definitions that might be imposed on you. When a definition is different from your own, you can ask;
how is it different from your own definition?
Is this definition all of me?
Who decided this?
Is the definition necessary? For example, is it focusing on your worst day in order to access supports
To that last point- I’m not saying having to focus on your worst day, your weaknesses, is ok. Not by any means. It just means that sometimes, operating in that frame, with that narrowed definition of yourself, may be necessary in order to operate in the systems you need to in order to enable your access to supports.
Something to remember about those systems is that they, like many things, are a social construction that enough people decided on to make it powerful enough to be something we sometimes need to exist inside of, even when it doesn’t fit us. The question is not necessary whether the definition fits, it’s who created the definition in the first place and how that definition was decided on.
This is also where, in the disability community particularly, there is the social model of disability, which operates in accordance with the belief that someone is disabled by their surroundings. However, I believe the social model can be true for many other forms of marginalisation for any individual whom faces environmental and/or societal barriers to being themselves. Sometimes, we are disabled by the systems we have to operate in, and it’s pointing out the effects of that disablement that can lead to getting the support we need.
But, just because another definition exists does not mean that you have to accept it. It doesn’t mean it’s truth. It doesn’t mean it has to become part of your own definition. Both can exist. The opinions of others. The narrowed definitions that are sometimes necessary to temporarily adopt for a purpose. Maybe, this is where Dolly’s words come back into it. Find out who you are- that could mean rediscovering, reconnecting, redefining, all of those or something a little different. Then, you can be yourself. On purpose. And you can decide, when and if any of those other definitions might need to be the main one- temporarily, for a purpose, like to operate in a system that requires that particular definition in order for your needs to be met.
Further Resources
Social Constructionism explainer (video)
Defining Disability (previous public Illuminating Insights blog)